How often have you set out to change a habit, feeling super motivated and determined at first, only to find your resolve fading after a few days or weeks? Maybe you started a new diet, joined a gym, or decided to wake up earlier, and at first, it felt great. But then, slowly but surely, you found yourself slipping back into old patterns. Sound familiar?
The truth is, relying solely on willpower to make lasting changes is tough. Willpower is like a muscle; it gets tired the more you use it. It’s great for getting started, but it’s not always enough to keep you going in the long run.
Why is that? Well, our brains are wired for survival, not necessarily for thriving. They’re focused on three main things: seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, and conserving energy. This means your brain pushes you to do things like eat high-calorie foods (just in case food becomes scarce) and avoid uncomfortable situations (to stay safe and comfortable). Additionally, your brain encourages you to conserve energy by doing as little as possible, so you have reserves for potential life-threatening situations. These natural instincts can make it really hard to stick to new, healthy habits.
Your brain is trying to help you survive, but it’s not always helpful when you’re trying to thrive. Plus, your mood and various circumstances can greatly influence your motivation, making it even harder to stay on track.
So, what’s the solution? Instead of relying on willpower alone, you need a habits-based approach. This means creating routines and systems that support your goals, making healthy behaviors automatic and sustainable.
Let’s talk about creating healthy habits. A habit is simply a behavior or action that becomes automatic through regular repetition. Think about brushing your teeth or driving the same route to work every day – you do it without even thinking.
Taking a habits-based approach gives you a sustainable framework for success. When healthy behaviors turn into habits, they need less conscious effort to maintain. This makes it easier to stick with them consistently, even when your motivation takes a dip.
Imagine regularly exercising, eating balanced meals, and managing stress effectively – all becoming second nature. Once these actions are ingrained as habits, they support your long-term well-being and help you maintain a healthy lifestyle with much less effort.
By focusing on building and reinforcing healthy habits, you create a routine that supports your overall wellness goals. This approach isn’t about short-term fixes; it’s about making lasting changes that contribute to a healthier, more balanced life. Building strong, positive habits is your secret weapon for sustaining your wellness journey and achieving lasting success.
Ever wonder why it’s so difficult to break a habit, even though you know you should and really want to? It can be frustrating when you’re determined to change but find yourself slipping back into old patterns. The truth is, there are many factors at play that make breaking habits a real challenge.
Neurological Wiring:
Habits form neural pathways in your brain. When you repeatedly perform a behavior, your brain creates connections that make it easier to do it again. For instance, if you’ve been biting your nails for years, your brain has formed strong neural pathways for this behavior. Breaking the habit means rewiring these pathways, which takes time and effort.
Reward System:
Habits often bring a sense of reward or pleasure. Your brain’s reward system strengthens the habit by releasing dopamine, making the behavior more appealing and creating a positive association. For example, you might crave a sugary snack because it gives you a dopamine hit. To break this habit, you need to overcome the craving for that reward.
Automaticity:
Over time, habits become automatic and need minimal conscious effort to carry out. This automatic nature makes them hard to control because they often happen without your awareness. For example, you might find yourself reaching for your phone and scrolling through social media without even thinking about it. Breaking this habit involves disrupting the automatic response and replacing it with a new behavior, like reading a book instead.
Emotional Connection:
Many habits are linked to emotional triggers. Whether it’s stress, boredom, or other emotions, habits can act as coping mechanisms. For instance, if you smoke cigarettes when you’re stressed, the habit is tied to your emotional response to stress. Breaking the habit may require finding alternative ways to manage stress, such as practicing mindfulness or exercising.
Environmental Cues:
Habits are often linked to specific environments or cues. For example, you might associate sweet snacks with coffee breaks. Changing these environmental cues can disrupt the habit loop and make it easier to break the habit. If you usually snack while watching TV, try replacing the snacks with a healthier option or changing your routine to break the association.
Time and Patience:
Habits take time to form, and breaking them is also a gradual process. It requires patience, consistency, and a willingness to persist even when faced with setbacks. For example, if you’re trying to establish a habit of daily exercise, it’s important to be patient and keep going even if you miss a day or two.
Mind-Body Connection:
Habits involve both mental and physical components. The physical aspect includes muscle memory and the physiological response to certain behaviors. For example, if you have a habit of slouching, breaking it involves both mental awareness and physical effort to correct your posture consistently.
Social Influences:
Social factors can contribute to the difficulty of breaking habits. If your social circle reinforces the habit or doesn’t support your efforts to change, it can be more challenging to break free from the behavior. For instance, if you’re trying to quit drinking but your friends often encourage you to have a drink with them, you’ll need to find strategies to handle social situations or seek support from others who understand your goals.
Changing a habit is challenging because it involves rewiring your brain, resisting the reward system, disrupting automatic behaviors, addressing emotional triggers, altering environmental cues, practicing patience, considering the mind-body connection, and managing social influences. It’s no wonder it feels like an uphill battle!
Understanding the habit loop can help you change your habits more effectively. The habit loop consists of three main components: cue, routine, and reward. Let’s break it down with some examples to make it easy to understand.
Cue:
The cue is what triggers your habit. It can be anything from a specific time of day, an emotion, a location, or an event. For example, if you find yourself reaching for a snack every afternoon around 3 PM, the time of day is your cue. Or, if you smoke a cigarette every time you feel stressed, the emotion of stress is your cue.
Routine:
The routine is the behavior you perform in response to the cue. It’s the actual habit. Continuing with our examples, the routine might be grabbing a cookie from the pantry at 3 PM or lighting up a cigarette when stress hits. This is the action that follows the cue almost automatically.
Reward:
The reward is what you get from the routine, which reinforces the habit loop. This could be a feeling of satisfaction, pleasure, or relief. For the 3 PM snack, the reward might be a little boost in energy or a pleasant taste. For the cigarette, the reward might be the calming effect it has on your stress.
To change a habit, you need to address each part of the habit loop:
1. Identify the Cue:
Recognize what triggers your habit. This requires some self-reflection. Ask yourself what time of day, emotional state, location, or event tends to precede the habit. For instance, if you notice you always snack when you’re bored, boredom is your cue.
2. Change the Routine:
Once you’ve identified the cue, think about how you can change the routine. Instead of reaching for a snack at 3 PM, you might decide to take a short walk or drink a glass of water. If stress is your cue for smoking, try deep breathing exercises or a quick meditation session instead.
3. Find a New Reward:
The new routine needs to provide a reward that satisfies you. If taking a walk gives you the same energy boost or a feeling of relaxation that the snack did, it can replace the old habit. If deep breathing calms your stress effectively, it can take the place of the cigarette.
Example of Changing a Habit:
Let’s say you want to break the habit of snacking on junk food every afternoon.
• Cue: 3 PM rolls around, and you feel a bit tired and bored.
• Routine: You go to the pantry and grab a bag of chips.
• Reward: You get a quick energy boost and a tasty treat.
To change this habit:
1. Identify the Cue: Recognize that 3 PM is your trigger time when you feel a bit low on energy.
2. Change the Routine: Decide to replace snacking with something healthier or more productive. Perhaps you choose to have a piece of fruit or take a 10-minute walk instead.
3. Find a New Reward: Make sure the new routine is rewarding. The fruit can give you a natural energy boost, or the walk can refresh you and help you feel more alert.
Building new, healthy habits can seem daunting, but with the right strategies, you can make lasting changes to improve your well-being. Whether you’re aiming to incorporate more physical activity, eat healthier, or manage stress better, starting small, and using effective methods can set you on the path to success.
Here are three practical approaches to help you get started:
1. Add, Swap, Replace:
This approach involves either adding a new healthy habit, swapping an old habit for a better one, or replacing a bad habit with a positive alternative. For example, add a daily walk after dinner, swap your afternoon soda for a glass of water, or replace your evening TV time with a relaxing book. By making small, manageable changes, you can gradually build a healthier lifestyle.
2. Stepping Stones:
Break down your goal into smaller, achievable steps. This method, known as stepping stones, helps you tackle large goals by focusing on one small step at a time. For instance, if your goal is to run a 5K, start with short, manageable runs and gradually increase your distance. This incremental progress makes it easier to stay motivated and see continuous improvement.
3. Habit Stacking:
Habit stacking involves linking a new habit to an existing one, making it easier to integrate into your routine. Identify a current habit you do regularly and “stack” the new habit onto it. For example, if you want to start meditating daily, do it right after your morning coffee. By associating the new habit with something already ingrained in your routine, you increase the likelihood of it sticking.
Now that we’ve covered the habit loop, why habits are hard to change, and the three different ways to start a habit, let’s look at the various ways you can support yourself in building healthy habits successfully.
Identify the Habit:
The first step is to clearly identify the habit you want to change. Be specific about what the habit is and why you want to change it. For example, instead of just saying, “I want to eat healthier,” specify, “I want to stop eating junk food in the evening.”
Understand Your Big Why:
Before diving into action plans, take time to understand your big why. Why do you want to change this habit? What will achieving this goal mean for you and your life? For example, if you’re experiencing menopause, your big why might be to reduce hot flashes and improve sleep quality. Understanding that making dietary changes could lead to fewer night sweats and better rest can be a powerful motivator.
Build Awareness:
Awareness is crucial for change. Start by observing the habit and what is happening when it occurs. Pay attention to the triggers, the behavior itself, and the consequences. Note when you feel the urge to snack on junk food, what emotions or situations precede it, and how you feel after indulging. This awareness is the foundation for making effective changes.
Create a Vision for the Future:
Visualize what your life will look like once you’ve established your new habits. Imagine how you’ll feel, the benefits you’ll experience, and the positive impact on your overall well-being. For instance, picture yourself feeling more energetic and less stressed because you’ve adopted a regular exercise routine and effective stress management techniques. This clear vision can be incredibly motivating.
Understand the Habit Loop:
Every habit has a loop consisting of a cue, routine, and reward. Identify what triggers your habit (the cue), the behavior you perform (the routine), and the benefit you get from it (the reward). This understanding will help you plan how to change it.
Create an Action Plan:
Develop a detailed action plan for how you will achieve your goals. This should include when you will start your habit, how you will handle obstacles, triggers, and temptations, and what rewards you will use to reinforce the new behavior.
Break It Down:
Once you have your goal, break it down into smaller, manageable steps. Think baby steps! If your goal is to exercise more, start with something simple like walking 10 minutes each day. Once that becomes a habit, gradually increase the duration and intensity. By taking baby steps, you make the goal less overwhelming and more achievable, building confidence with each small success.
Change Your Environment
Adjust your surroundings to support your new habit. Remove items that trigger the old habit and add things that encourage the new one. If you want to eat healthier, stock your kitchen with nutritious foods and remove unhealthy snacks. For better sleep, create a relaxing bedtime routine and keep your bedroom cool and dark.
Create a Schedule:
Incorporate your new habits into your daily routine by scheduling them. Set specific times for your activities, like dedicating 20 minutes in the morning for meditation or planning your meals in advance to ensure you get the right nutrients. Consistency is key to turning actions into habits.
Morning and Evening Routines:
Start your day with a routine that sets a positive tone. This could include activities like drinking a glass of water, doing a quick workout, having a healthy breakfast, and planning your day. A consistent morning routine helps you begin each day with energy and focus, making it easier to maintain healthy habits throughout the day.
End your day with a calming routine that prepares you for restful sleep. This might involve activities like dimming the lights, reading a book, practicing relaxation techniques, or writing in a journal. An evening routine helps you unwind and signals to your body that it’s time to rest, supporting better sleep and overall well-being.
Track Your Progress:
Keep a record of your progress to stay motivated and see how far you’ve come. Use a journal, app, or simple checklist to log your actions and reflect on your progress. Seeing your progress can provide a sense of accomplishment and encourage you to keep going.
Be Patient and Persistent:
Changing a habit takes time and effort, so be patient with yourself. Understand that setbacks are a normal part of the process. If you slip up, don’t get discouraged. Learn from it and get back on track.
Seek Support:
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Sharing your goal with friends or family or hiring a coach can make a big difference through the encouragement you’ll receive and how you will be held accountable.
Replace Negative Self-Talk:
Pay attention to your inner dialogue and replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Encourage yourself and celebrate your successes, no matter how small. This positive mindset can help you stay motivated and resilient.
Identify and Overcome Obstacles:
Have you ever hit an obstacle and felt completely thrown off course? During menopause, this can happen more often than you’d like. It might be a sudden hot flash in the middle of a meeting or feeling too exhausted to stick to your exercise plan. Beyond these symptoms, everyday hurdles like time constraints, lack of motivation, or stress from work and family can derail your progress. Recognizing challenges and temptations ahead of time allows you prepare for them and develop strategies to overcome them.
Reward Yourself:
Reward yourself for making progress. Choose rewards that are healthy and aligned with your goals.
Be Flexible
Life can be unpredictable, so be prepared to adjust your plans as needed. If you miss a workout or indulge in a treat, don’t be too hard on yourself. Acknowledge the setback, learn from it, and get back on track. Flexibility ensures that minor slip-ups don’t derail your overall progress.
Beyond Willpower
In order to reach our goals, we need more than just willpower. Willpower helps us delay gratification and resist short-term temptations to meet long-term goals, but it is a limited resource and can be depleted. To truly succeed, we need the ability to override unwanted thoughts, feelings, or impulses and consciously, effortfully regulate ourselves. This means creating structured action plans and routines that make healthy behaviors automatic and sustainable.
Understanding your big why, creating a vision for the future, and developing specific action plans tailored to your goals, you set yourself up for success. Incorporating structured morning and evening routines, maintaining flexibility, and seeking support will help you develop and sustain new, healthy habits, ensuring you stay on track and achieve lasting change. Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection. Each small step brings you closer to lasting change. What habit do you want to change first?
The following case studies illustrate common scenarios that mid-life women may experience. These examples are crafted to help you understand potential outcomes and see yourself in similar situations. While the individuals in these case studies are not real, the challenges and solutions presented are based on typical experiences, offering valuable insights into managing similar health issues.
Adopting new, healthy habits isn’t just about altering your behaviours—it’s about stepping into a new identity and letting go of your old one. Imagine you’re starting a new chapter in your life, one where you see yourself in a whole new light.
Take Claire who struggled with the identity of being someone who always put herself last. She was the caregiver, the one who handled everything for everyone else. But when she hit menopause, she realized she needed to make a change for her own well-being.
Claire’s hormones were all over the place, making her feel like she was on an emotional rollercoaster. She craved sugar and processed foods, which only made things worse. She knew she needed to balance her hormones and ditch her unhealthy eating habits, but she didn’t know where to start.
We began by redefining her identity. Instead of seeing herself as someone who never had time for self-care, Claire started to view herself as a health-conscious woman who prioritizes her well-being. This shift wasn’t just about cutting out junk food; it was about embracing a new, healthier version of herself.
She started small, replacing her late-night ice cream with a bowl of fresh berries and swapping her processed snacks for whole foods like nuts and vegetables. She also began a gentle detoxification routine, incorporating more fiber-rich foods and herbal teas to support her body’s natural elimination processes.
Balancing her hormones was a key focus. She added routines to help with elimination and detoxification, which included drinking plenty of water, eating leafy greens, and taking probiotics. These changes helped her feel more balanced and less prone to mood swings.
Fitness became a part of Claire’s new identity as well. She started with daily walks, gradually adding light resistance training to preserve muscle mass and strength. Yoga sessions helped her relax and manage stress, crucial for keeping her hormones in check.
Sleep, another critical component, also saw improvement. Claire established a calming evening routine with relaxation techniques like deep breathing and stretching. She ensured her bedroom was a sleep-friendly environment, free from electronic distractions and stress triggers.
As she continued to implement these new habits, she began to feel significantly better. Her cravings for sugar and processed foods diminished, and she started enjoying whole, nutritious meals. Her energy levels improved, and her mood stabilized. Claire no longer saw herself as someone who was constantly overwhelmed and exhausted; she became a vibrant, active woman who took charge of her health.
Embracing this new identity meant letting go of old mindsets. Claire used to think she couldn’t stick to a routine because she was always too busy. But by celebrating each small victory, like completing a week of her new walking routine, she reinforced her new self-image. She began to see herself as someone who prioritizes her health, and this belief made it easier to maintain her new habits.
Of course, there were tough days when she felt tempted to skip her walk or indulge in old comfort foods. But instead of beating herself up, she reminded herself of the progress she’d made and the new, healthier person she was becoming. This self-compassion helped her stay on track.
Stepping into a new identity takes time and consistency. By aligning your habits with this new self-image, you create a solid foundation for lasting change. Embrace the journey, just like Claire did, and remember that every small step brings you closer to becoming the person you want to be.
Ultimately, the way you see yourself will dictate the habits you choose. Your self-concept, which includes your self-image, self-esteem, ideal self, and beliefs, shapes your thoughts and drives your behaviors. By transforming how you see yourself and what you believe, you can create lasting, healthy habits that support your well-being.
Your beliefs are the convictions you hold about yourself and the world. If you believe you can’t change or that menopause will always be a struggle, these beliefs will hold you back. To shift these beliefs, identify any negative thoughts you have about yourself and actively work on changing them into positive, empowering ones. For instance, if you believe “I will always struggle with my weight,” try replacing it with “I can achieve a healthy weight with consistent effort.” Challenge those limiting beliefs by finding evidence of your capabilities and past successes.
Your self-image is the mental picture you have of yourself. During menopause, physical and emotional changes can affect how you view yourself. Perhaps you see yourself as tired, stressed, or struggling with weight gain. Start focusing on the positive aspects of yourself, like being a great listener or a dedicated worker. Visualize yourself as a healthy, vibrant person. Imagine engaging in healthy habits like exercising, eating well, and managing stress.
Your ideal self is who you aspire to be. For many menopausal women, this might include being energetic, balanced, and in control of their health. Set clear goals for who you want to become. Define your ideal self in detail. Write down the attributes and behaviors of this ideal self, like going for daily walks, preparing nutritious meals, and taking time for self-care. Use this vision to guide your actions and decisions.
Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself, whether you see yourself as valuable and worthy. Fluctuating hormones during menopause can impact your mood and self-esteem. Practice self-compassion and begin to think of yourself in positive ways. Instead of saying, “I am healthy,” start with, “I am learning how to be a healthy woman,” or “I am beginning to choose healthier foods.” This approach feels more achievable and helps build your confidence over time.
When you start shifting your self-concept and beliefs, your thoughts will begin to change too. When you see yourself as a healthy, vibrant person, you’ll naturally start thinking like one. These thoughts will drive your behaviors, leading to new, healthier habits.
For example, if you start seeing yourself as someone who values health, you’ll be more likely to choose an apple over a candy bar, or go for a walk instead of binge-watching TV. This shift in self-concept makes it easier to develop and maintain habits that support your well-being. Healthy habits like regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and adequate sleep will become part of your daily routine, supporting your overall health and helping you manage menopausal symptoms more effectively.
Let’s take Emma as an example. Emma is a 52-year-old client who struggled with low self-esteem and negative self-image during menopause. She saw herself as constantly tired and stressed. By working on her beliefs and self-concept, she started to visualize herself as a strong, healthy woman. She began each day thinking, “I am learning how to be a healthy woman,” and, “I am beginning to choose healthier foods.” She set small fitness goals and gradually changed her diet. With these changes, her thoughts and behaviors shifted. She started exercising regularly, which boosted her energy and mood. She began cooking healthy meals and taking time for self-care.
Over time, Emma felt more like her ideal self—vibrant, balanced, and in control of her health.
Her new self-concept made it easier to stick with these healthy habits because they were now aligned with her identity. Instead of forcing herself to exercise or eat well, these behaviors became natural extensions of how she saw herself.
Remember, transforming your self-concept and beliefs is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, patience, and consistency. But as you change the way you see yourself and what you believe about your capabilities, your thoughts and habits will follow, leading to a healthier, more fulfilling life during menopause.
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